I became pretentious and am always putting up an up front as a shield to protect my image. I don't get along well with people when I felt that they are a threat to me. As a result, people labelled me as bossy because of my behaviour and pride. Deep in me I know I needed attention and that I'm missing out something special in life.

 

As early as age 18, I start to have a boyfriend, because I thought it will help me to feel love and secure. Sadly the relationship was only filled with much grievance, anger and selfishness. Many times I felt depressed with the relationship and wanted to call it off but my lack of courage to let go and fear of being alone stop me from making that decision.

 

Four years later, a distance phone call from my second brother's best friend (Carls) rang in the middle of the night, informing me that my brother met with an accident in Singapore. He was in a coma and had been admitted to the Intensive Care Unit. I felt as if my heart dropped and pounded fast, worrying and crying, afraid that I would loose someone I love and close to me. I remembered him telling me to be a better daughter to my parents and not to fight with them as 'life is fragile'. I remembered the times we used to listen to the radio and talk till late nights and the care and concern when we were younger.

 

At that time It was pass 12am, so I couldn't travel down to Singapore. I didn't have a car and can only rely on public transport. As I anxiously wait for dawn, I went down on my knees to ask 'any god' for help. At that time I didn't know God, but I prayed "if there is a God please answer my prayer, please take care of my brother and if he gets well, I'm willing to go to anywhere to worship you, be it in temple, mosque or church I'll go". I told God how much I love my brother and not wanting him to leave me. I continued to pray on and on till I was exhausted and fell asleep. The next day I rush to Singapore, when I reached the hospital I saw him bed ridden and unconscious. His leg was brokern when the taxi hit him at the junction (thank God that he has fully recovered now.)

 

A month later, a woman approached me and invited me to church. I left her my phone number since I was rushing to work. I totally forgotten about the whole episode of my prayer and I rejected her first invitation. It only struck my mind about my prayer when the woman (a sister from church) called me a second time. So I decided to just pay a visit to the church and started to find out about the bible.

 

Through the bible study, I get to know who God is and I was touched to know that He have a plan for me in my life. My life changed most when the word of God is put into practice. I decided to leave my sinful life, learn to forgive others and to love people around me. I learned to be vulnerable and understood that I'm not in control of everything, so that I could let God work in many ways. God also gave me the courage to call off the relationship since it was in darkness and help me to trust in Him that He will work out the best for me.

 

God has changed me to be a better person to my friends and family, He thought me how to love people unconditionally and look at other's interest above myself. Eventhough I failed many times in the things I do, it has been a life time experience to build my inner characters and not to feel insecure or self pity about myself but rather a time for me to turn to God for help and face my weaknesses boldly. I'm definitely more happy as a person, I understand my purpose in life and I wish many will get to know this awesome God who is there watching and taking care of our life without us realising His existence.